Tuesday, May 6, 2008

a bit of inspiration

Sorry kids, I've been away for far too long. I've really had to do some introspective soul searching lately and I've had a lot of help along my way. There is my good friend Scott who is a preacher of the Gospel who reminds me to search and find my faith again. He and his partner (Michael) live in OKC and they are an inspiration to me. They do good works that will reward in Heaven and on earth. It's nice to see a gay couple that has a positive outlook. They help me see that there is hope for me to someday (soon) have a boyfriend.

Then there is a blog buddy who I've never spoken to personally but his blog is here. He is just the right amount of hot mixed with a lot of good perspective and a little bit of humor. If he lived 1000 miles closer, you could say I might have a crush on him. I don't though due to the distance. He inspires me to lessen my expectations on the world and increase my natural balance of energy around me.

JH shipped out yesterday for training to go to Iraq. It's like I wanted to cry all day while at work but refrained and crashed when I got home. My emotions just sucked the energy out of me yesterday. He inspires me to think of the bigger picture sometimes and not just of myself.

Then of course as any American will tell you, TV inspires me. Brothers and Sisters is one of those great shows that really I wish it was my life. I have all the drama to go along with it but never seem to have those personal great high moments. I have also secretly been watching the Paper and I so identify with Amanda (the insecure leader). It's sad because I can only see how things will turn out in the future for her, but maybe her eyes will be opened and she will change. Adam (the cute gay boy) is so cute and I could see myself having a crush on him if he went to my school. I think it's so great that people are able to come out and be themselves at that age. I wish I could have.

I went to a fun party on Saturday night at my new friend Garrett's house. He just moved in and was getting things settled and decided to have a housewarming party. It was just a quiet fun time to get to know new people and catch up with some old friends while drinking.

I don't know what it is about me but people my own age never hit on me. I wonder if that is a common phenomenon? I guess we are finishing our 'post-adolescence' and never really want perspective from someone going through the same thing. So we go for those that are younger (who we can teach) or those who are older (who know the paths a bit better). I just want to find someone who is going through this path with me.

The reason I brought up that last paragraph is that I always get hit on by guys in their late 40s. I don't go for guys that age (mainly because my parents are only in their mid-40s), and I find that a little bit odd because we usually don't have much in common. It makes me wonder if I'm just damaged goods that these guys want to pick through (why are they perpetually single? will this be who I become in 20 years? Why can't they find someone their own age? etc.). Or conversely, do they see the potentially great man that I will want to become? I can't answer that. All I do know is that I will continue to surround myself with good people doing big and great things and try to smile and carry on as best I can. Someone will notice and want to take the challenge that is me, someday.

I know that I'm lowering my expectations for a lot of things: how people act, how people treat me, how the world works, etc. In saying that, I don't see myself lowering my standards, I'm just lowering the expectations of things that are completely outside of my control.

Advice anyone?

::Edit::

Great Post today! Really brightened my day..

Chaos and Insanity = Brilliance

My friend Cyndi sent me a quote once that stated how brilliance (the light you leave behind)manifests itself after much chaos and insanity. It is an inspiring thought, but maybe like you I'm not the biggest fan of the chaos and insanity part.

Fortunately, I picked up perseverance and have been blessed to see good results from letting the "winds" have their way. I'm humbled and thankful beyond my greatest expectations. That makes it worthwhile, by the way.

I am convinced that world is not as brilliant as it could be because many will not endure the chaos and insanity. We've been deceived by the snake oil salesmen who tell us we should be afraid, very afraid.

Find your Destiny and you'll discover that paying the price does not require counting the cost.

::End Edit::

1 comment:

B said...

Hey D, good to see you writing again. We should chat soon!