Tuesday, May 27, 2008

12 days without a posting

I haven't had too much to say lately.

I have been working long hours and trying to keep some sort of social life. Driving between 50 and 75 miles a day has really put a strain on my car. It got broken into this weekend, and only the stereo got stolen. My iPod and ignition key were both in the console but neither were taken (including the actual car). They did take my iPod headphones and one of my favorite CDs but otherwise not too bad of a loss. I was angry until I found those items that I actually carry on me on a daily basis, including my sunglasses. I've been to a few very fun parties lately and had some interesting nights out on the town (until Saturday night which was sad for me).

I am dreaming about work again which is a bad sign because it only brings up negative emotions. I think the only reason I'm staying is because I think that I can do some good here and maybe change it. I guess institutions are like people; they only change when they want to do so.

I have met a lot of great new people lately and some have impacted my life in great ways. I met a boy named DR and he's cute and fun and a good kisser...hehe.

I don't know if I can do it this year at work. Today (and for the next 57 days) I will have to be here at 8am and not leave until 5pm. I'll have to stay at my desk and make sure the phones are covered in case I need to go to the restroom. I won't get to take a lunch because I'm too important [chained to my desk] that it would have negative results if I left. I'm speaking figuratively (at least I hope I am haha).

I'm just worried that I won't make it physically and emotionally. My spirit is weak and my resolve is non-existent. I hate being constantly tired and unable to sleep at night because I am too anxious from work which just tires me out even more the next day.

We had thunderstorms last night and they made me happy because they brought us some much needed rain; the noise is cool too.

My parents really bug me:
On one side, they encourage me to live my life without worry or fear. But they don't follow their own advice.
On one side, they tell me to have an active social life outside of work. On the other, they complain when I tell them I don't have the cash to do extra things or make large purchases because gas is eating into my budget. They also complain that I don't have enough time to help them out with their lives.
On one side, they tell me to dream. Then they tell me my dreams are either too lofty or unattainable.

They are toxic. Always have been, always will be. They hate it when I mention that I am around debauchery (at times, not always or even engaging in it) but encourage my sister to enjoy it because she is straight and married (When she's with her husband of course). I can't handle any more toxic people right now.

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