Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Bounce

I have told a few friends about what exactly has happened, but most everyone doesn't know yet. It's quite embarrassing because I am now moving for the 3rd time in 4 months, only to a temporary place (my parent's house). I'm hoping my next move will be to a new city (after the drama has settled, and I have gotten healthier emotionally). I fully understand though that anything I do needs to be well planned, I need the resources to complete the task, and to do so when I won't feel like I'm running away from my problems.

I know that this blog has been a big downer and basically it's a rant of the inner workings of my mind. Unfortunately, I think my former roommate was either a bit bi-polar, someone that has never heard the word no (even in action form, not just verbally), or he was quite jealous of some situation.

The reason he was mad was twofold: first he was mad because I 'lied' to him about sleeping with a guy. The guy in question has a gay twin, I get drunk and don't always understand what's happening, and this all happened (with him or his twin) over 3 years ago. The second reason he got mad was because my door was locked and I had company on Friday night and hadn't told him about it (via text). Again with the drunkenness, when a HOT guy with great abs and a HOT ass says 'let's go,' I don't say no. I hadn't got laid in a long while (3-4 months) so it was good to get it out of my system. Twice, okay almost 3 times, but it was like 5am and I was too sleepy at that point.

So needless to say he got violent with me on Saturday, I cried all weekend, and now I'm recovering something as well as moving. I'm tired this week, but my parents are so cool about having someone in the house with them again.

I feel better today. I feel like I'm a resilient person again. I'm happy about the possibilities that lie ahead. I'm hoping I can recognize what this means. I honestly think that my parents think I'm going to not be gay anymore, but I'm just in need of some backing off from the community, to fix the broken relationships with my folks, and try to start over. I felt all weekend like I just needed to push the reset button and wake up to all the negativity in my life...mostly it's me. I'm a work in progress and I'll stop babbling at this point..I have a lot of good stuff in me, just gotta let it out...

2 comments:

Christopher said...

I'm sorry to hear your roommate turned out to lack the capacity to take you for the wonderful person you are. One reason to post on a blog is to vent the frustrations and creations of life. Your posts are veyr eloquent and well thought out, and I look forward to discovering a new one constantly.

Hope you're feeling better this morning. It;s a new day and a new adventure!

-C

B said...

Hang in, D.