Monday, January 21, 2008

Call an Apple an Apple

I feel like the scales have fallen from my eyes. I just read a really profound statement from the two guys who got married in Iowa in August (before the ruling was stayed). The links can be found here and here.
I can't even verbalize this as eloquently as they have, so I'm going to leave it to their words:

"I now realize how important marriage is," Sean said. "I've (known I am) gay since I was a teenager. Gay marriage was always something that's going to happen in the future, but I couldn't go get one, so it wasn't on the table. All the sudden it was on the table. And I got one. I was like, whoa, I really wanted this the whole time, and I was ready for it, and I just told myself I wasn't because it wasn't feasible."

They believe stereotypical gay culture is filled with superficial relationships. Look at pop culture's gay role models, they say. In "Will and Grace," neither Jack nor Will have meaningful relationships. "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" focuses on fashion and wine but has little substance. Could this superficiality stem, in part, from not allowing gays to marry? And, therefore, is every gay relationship destined to be thought of as temporary?

"When we got married, I realized that made me an adult," Sean said. "Abruptly. ... And now I realize that probably has a strong influence upon what we call gay culture, the fact that it's comprised of people who don't consider themselves adults."

"You treat children like children," Tim interjects, "they're going to behave like children. If you treat them as adults and you expect things of them - it's totally an argument of what you expect out of someone. If they've never been expected to get married, they aren't going to. It's pretty harsh social conditioning."

These are well-written articles and I'm so happy to think of progress for once. I hope that more people's eyes will be opened as to what love and commitment actually are.

On a personal note, I know that most gay guys have 'Peter Pan Syndrome,' which is to say won't grow up because it isn't expected of them. I have this same problem, but deep down I know that I want marriage and a committed person to me, and I to them, because that is a full life. I'm complete on my own but want to be complimented and more complete (as we are seeking a 'more perfect union' in the Constitutional sense). I think gay marriage would fundamentally change this country, but for the good because it raises accountability, responsibility and lowers the yells to inside voices.

No comments: